HIDING OUR POWER

Why is that we keep ourselves buried in the wake of rules that have never fit us or what we really want to do? So many of us devote ourselves to keeping a low profile within our relationships. No one knows how brightly our lights shine. We keep ourselves under wraps, worried that someone will find out how much we rage against the roles we've assumed or were forced to adopt because we are nice, because we are the social caretakers. Our partners, our parents, our children, even our friends - their wants and needs rank above us on our own priority scale. Speak up?! No. Not even if we know that they can't see us. Fear lurks trying to keep us isolated and out of touch with how powerful we really are. We possess the kind of power that would keep a city alight for years. What we really want we've deemed irrelevant to the greater good of keeping the peace at all costs.

The bill is high. Health issues, stress, forgotten dreams and watching through a self imposed window as others lead the lives we want for ourselves while we merely tolerate our own. Even worse, we think that it's all for the best; rationalizing that our sacrifices are actually contributing to so much that is right in our world. Who cares if we have to suck on a Tums to stop the reflux from burning away the insides of our throats? We are victimized by beliefs imposed on us by people who died long ago. We are victimized by beliefs we hold to steadfastly even though we long to break free. Mostly we are victimized by ourselves and our payoffs for remaining silent. We are paid off with assessments like "good girl," "nice girl," "well liked girl," and even "popular girl." Those anxiety soothing words put us off from accessing the difficult road of declaring, "I am a force to be reckoned with."

LOOK BEYOND THE TIGHT BUNS

A great skill to have would be the ability to see through the haze of chemical attraction and learn if someone is honorable when they are pitching woo. Huh? Look when you're romancing and they're romancing and the butterflies are flying free in your stomach all seems wonderful and right. When the time comes to make a commitment, (do the laundry together, move in, get married, go to Venice) deciphering the hidden agendas between you should be a priority. Many people aren't present to their true intentions and sell the ones they purport to love a bill of goods that comes due a few years down the road. Look inside your heart and encourage your partner to do the same. If either of you is afraid to be alone or is looking at the other as a means of daily ego gratification take the time to find this out before you're sorting through socks. Learning about your vulnerabilities will make your bond stronger or will direct you away from a situation that is not right for you in the first place.