SEX AND ATTITUDE
I saw some amazing Hallowe'en costumes tonight.
The top 5 costumes for women were:
1. Marie Antoinette,
2. Nurse,
3. Wench,
4. Bikini clad bunny, and
5. harem or belly dancer girl.
As for the men the top 5 costumes were:
1. Marie Antoinette,
2. Glamor Puss,
3. Naked Guy with well oiled body wearing a brief,
4. the Scream, and
5. Superhero.
Are these all alter egos? If I were to classify I'd say that sex and fear were top of mind when people decked themselves out in their costume personas tonight. Then again maybe sex and fear are just at the top of my mind.
Most of the people wearing these costumes were youngish with hot bodies. Yet there were others who would never be referred to as hot by conventional measures. These people had wobbly bits, wrinkles and droopy buns or boobs which they proudly displayed. They didn't think these were issues to be worried about. Their attitudes declared, "Look at me. Feel my power. I know that you can't help but be attracted." Whether they were with someone special or on the prowl I'll wager they had sex when they got home. The best sex comes from abandoning thoughts of cellulite, paunchy stomachs or perfect positions and embracing this compelling attitude instead. It also helps to be detached from the outcome. Whether or not you orgasm or you give an orgasm is beside the point. It'll happen simply because you get caught up in the pure sensuality of it all. It's not about control, it's about abandonment. That's right, abandoning the inane and useless rules that bring shame to the bedroom. Like someone once said, confidence is a proven aphrodisiac.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
THE FEELING
Someone attempted to seduce me. Luscious. I drank in the compliments. I savored his declaration of lust. "You're the first woman I've had the feeling for in a long time" he said while looking me directly in the eye.
I remember the feeling. It's that jittery leap of the stomach accompanied by a tiny tremor in the body just as you catch sight of the person you've got the feeling for. I don't have "the feeling" for the man who made the declaration but I was close to allowing my brain to believe that I did.
I've been starved for affection for a long time. My husband cut off sexual initmacy as he headed into the craze of a midlife crisis. While we haven't lived together for about three and a half months, the love drought I suffered during the two and a half year period of his indecision and my dogged determination to hang in until it all sorted itself out, cast a severe cloud over my sexuality and my confidence.
Does it seem like some men have the misguided belief that they have access to the remote controls of our libidos? Listen sometime. They will say. " I'm in crisis. If I am to suffer then so too are you. I'm in love. If I'm in love then so too are you. I'm in lust. If I'm in lust then so too are you." Ring. Ring. Hello, do you hear me, or see me, or know me, or care about me? Pick up the direct line, please and thank you.
Sometimes, it's not their fault. We often don't tell them what we want, or even who we are.
As much as I crave someone wanting me again, it would have been wrong to give in to the man's desire just because I long for a momentary satiation of my skin hunger. We both want the same thing. He wants a relationship with me and so do I. I want a relationship with me. I'm working on the latter. I want to become self determining and self sufficient again before I can entertain thoughts of an involvement, no matter what the duration. That said, I was tempted.
Someone attempted to seduce me. Luscious. I drank in the compliments. I savored his declaration of lust. "You're the first woman I've had the feeling for in a long time" he said while looking me directly in the eye.
I remember the feeling. It's that jittery leap of the stomach accompanied by a tiny tremor in the body just as you catch sight of the person you've got the feeling for. I don't have "the feeling" for the man who made the declaration but I was close to allowing my brain to believe that I did.
I've been starved for affection for a long time. My husband cut off sexual initmacy as he headed into the craze of a midlife crisis. While we haven't lived together for about three and a half months, the love drought I suffered during the two and a half year period of his indecision and my dogged determination to hang in until it all sorted itself out, cast a severe cloud over my sexuality and my confidence.
Does it seem like some men have the misguided belief that they have access to the remote controls of our libidos? Listen sometime. They will say. " I'm in crisis. If I am to suffer then so too are you. I'm in love. If I'm in love then so too are you. I'm in lust. If I'm in lust then so too are you." Ring. Ring. Hello, do you hear me, or see me, or know me, or care about me? Pick up the direct line, please and thank you.
Sometimes, it's not their fault. We often don't tell them what we want, or even who we are.
As much as I crave someone wanting me again, it would have been wrong to give in to the man's desire just because I long for a momentary satiation of my skin hunger. We both want the same thing. He wants a relationship with me and so do I. I want a relationship with me. I'm working on the latter. I want to become self determining and self sufficient again before I can entertain thoughts of an involvement, no matter what the duration. That said, I was tempted.
HIDING OUR POWER
Why is that we keep ourselves buried in the wake of rules that have never fit us or what we really want to do? So many of us devote ourselves to keeping a low profile within our relationships. No one knows how brightly our lights shine. We keep ourselves under wraps, worried that someone will find out how much we rage against the roles we've assumed or were forced to adopt because we are nice, because we are the social caretakers. Our partners, our parents, our children, even our friends - their wants and needs rank above us on our own priority scale. Speak up?! No. Not even if we know that they can't see us. Fear lurks trying to keep us isolated and out of touch with how powerful we really are. We possess the kind of power that would keep a city alight for years. What we really want we've deemed irrelevant to the greater good of keeping the peace at all costs.
The bill is high. Health issues, stress, forgotten dreams and watching through a self imposed window as others lead the lives we want for ourselves while we merely tolerate our own. Even worse, we think that it's all for the best; rationalizing that our sacrifices are actually contributing to so much that is right in our world. Who cares if we have to suck on a Tums to stop the reflux from burning away the insides of our throats? We are victimized by beliefs imposed on us by people who died long ago. We are victimized by beliefs we hold to steadfastly even though we long to break free. Mostly we are victimized by ourselves and our payoffs for remaining silent. We are paid off with assessments like "good girl," "nice girl," "well liked girl," and even "popular girl." Those anxiety soothing words put us off from accessing the difficult road of declaring, "I am a force to be reckoned with."
Why is that we keep ourselves buried in the wake of rules that have never fit us or what we really want to do? So many of us devote ourselves to keeping a low profile within our relationships. No one knows how brightly our lights shine. We keep ourselves under wraps, worried that someone will find out how much we rage against the roles we've assumed or were forced to adopt because we are nice, because we are the social caretakers. Our partners, our parents, our children, even our friends - their wants and needs rank above us on our own priority scale. Speak up?! No. Not even if we know that they can't see us. Fear lurks trying to keep us isolated and out of touch with how powerful we really are. We possess the kind of power that would keep a city alight for years. What we really want we've deemed irrelevant to the greater good of keeping the peace at all costs.
The bill is high. Health issues, stress, forgotten dreams and watching through a self imposed window as others lead the lives we want for ourselves while we merely tolerate our own. Even worse, we think that it's all for the best; rationalizing that our sacrifices are actually contributing to so much that is right in our world. Who cares if we have to suck on a Tums to stop the reflux from burning away the insides of our throats? We are victimized by beliefs imposed on us by people who died long ago. We are victimized by beliefs we hold to steadfastly even though we long to break free. Mostly we are victimized by ourselves and our payoffs for remaining silent. We are paid off with assessments like "good girl," "nice girl," "well liked girl," and even "popular girl." Those anxiety soothing words put us off from accessing the difficult road of declaring, "I am a force to be reckoned with."
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