THE FEELING

Someone attempted to seduce me. Luscious. I drank in the compliments. I savored his declaration of lust. "You're the first woman I've had the feeling for in a long time" he said while looking me directly in the eye.

I remember the feeling. It's that jittery leap of the stomach accompanied by a tiny tremor in the body just as you catch sight of the person you've got the feeling for. I don't have "the feeling" for the man who made the declaration but I was close to allowing my brain to believe that I did.

I've been starved for affection for a long time. My husband cut off sexual initmacy as he headed into the craze of a midlife crisis. While we haven't lived together for about three and a half months, the love drought I suffered during the two and a half year period of his indecision and my dogged determination to hang in until it all sorted itself out, cast a severe cloud over my sexuality and my confidence.

Does it seem like some men have the misguided belief that they have access to the remote controls of our libidos? Listen sometime. They will say. " I'm in crisis. If I am to suffer then so too are you. I'm in love. If I'm in love then so too are you. I'm in lust. If I'm in lust then so too are you." Ring. Ring. Hello, do you hear me, or see me, or know me, or care about me? Pick up the direct line, please and thank you.

Sometimes, it's not their fault. We often don't tell them what we want, or even who we are.

As much as I crave someone wanting me again, it would have been wrong to give in to the man's desire just because I long for a momentary satiation of my skin hunger. We both want the same thing. He wants a relationship with me and so do I. I want a relationship with me. I'm working on the latter. I want to become self determining and self sufficient again before I can entertain thoughts of an involvement, no matter what the duration. That said, I was tempted.