WHEN DO WE BECOME ADULTS?

I finally told my father that my husband moved out three and a half months ago. I had held off because I wasn't yet ready to face the fact that my marriage is over. I took off my wedding ring two weeks ago. Now I've spoken to my father.

"Are you doing alright?" he asked. This is the first time he's asked me a personal question in quite a while. Usually it's just chit chat or lots of discussion about his health problems. So here was my opening.

ME: "No"
DAD: "Life is hard. It has good times and bad times. You just have to get through the bad."
ME: "Yes I know. Dad I'm very sad. My husband is no longer living with me."
DAD: "What do you mean? How long ago did this happen?"
ME: "July."
DAD: "Was this something that happened when you and he were back here for a visit? Does it have to do with me?"

That's exactly the kind of question he would ask.

ME: "Dad the breakdown of my marriage has nothing to do with a visit to you."
DAD: "Oh my gawd, I wish that you had never told me. What's the matter with you?"
ME: "How long was I supposed to keep it a secret? Till I filed divorce papers or always."
DAD: "Look, I've got plenty up here you can come back here. I'll take care of you."
ME: "I'm just feeling sad and lonely Dad. Just like you. You know what it's like."
DAD: "Oh my gawd, I wish that you had never told me."
ME: "Okay, well I have."
DAD: "I think your brother is getting married."
ME: "That's good. Does he love her?"
DAD: "I don't know. I don't ask those questions."
ME: "It's important that he love her. It's important. He should love her. We all deserve to be loved."
DAD: "Your husband would never have left you if he loved you. He's an unhappy man. He will always be unhappy. No one is happy."
PAUSE
DAD: "There are only two people in the world who love you. Your mother loved you. I love you. Oh yes, and your brother, he loves you too but he's busy right now. You are my daughter."
ME: " Dad, I just didn't think that I would be here again. I'm just sad. I thought this marriage was it."
DAD: "Be careful. Don't go with another man right away."
ME: "Another man is the last thing on my mind. Dad, I have other things to do. Start a business, or get a job, an apartment,... a life. I obviously don't choose men very well. From my experience men don't honor their marriage vows. You with mom. My brother with his wife and his girlfriends. My first husband and now... We haven't even talked about a divorce yet. Another man is not a priority right now."
...

I was crying the whole time.

For once my father's reaction was the least of my worries. I had always tiptoed around him; his moods and his attitudes. Today, I didn't care whether he supported, criticized or deflected. What he said didn't matter. I wasn't concerned about making it alright for him. I'm trying to make it alright for me.